Yes, I am still alive...

Between my 'real' job, and all the mystery shopping work I've been doing of late, there hasn't been much time for anything else.

Dad & Marlene were here the last week of September, and that was awesome. Seems as though the trip raised Dad's spirit for a while, but today he was back down in the dumps. Keeps talking about how he's going to be 'pushing up daisies soon.' I wish I could get him to think more positively, he does much better physically when I'm around and keeping him focused on good things, rather than on the things that are difficult for him.

I never quite realized how negative Marlene was until I spent a week with her here. She's like mom in some ways, very negative (my dad tends to take on the attitude of those around him... I think he's naturally an optimist, but gets drug down very easily). At least she's not crazy like mom was, and I know she does care about him. I just think she got more than she bargained for.

She complained to me on the phone the other day about how she didn't know how much longer she could take care of him now that he was having trouble walking. I am not sympathetic to her in any way about this. I was in the process of getting dad put into assisted living (not a nursing home, just some where they would keep track of him and make him comfortable) when he married her. He married her under the agreement that she would not ever put him in a nursing home, that she would care for him to the end. When she made this agreement, he was in very good health, and I think she thought he would always be healthy.

It's getting harder and harder for her to manage him on her own. He can afford to have a nurse come in, but of course, she doesn't want to do that because I think she believes that would cut into her inheritance. I have no idea what my dad's will looks like any more, and as much as others think I'm getting a 'bum deal' by not getting anything, I don't look at it that way. Dad bought me the house, gave me lots of money around the time mom died, and I really don't need anything else from him. Honestly, Marlene deserves the money for what he puts her through.

I think I was right to have R pretend to be the 'boyfriend' while Dad was here. Dad asks about him every time I call now, and today, he asked me if I was happy. I told him that I was, and he seems to feel more at peace now. I was right in assuming that he doesn't like the thought of me being single, and provided him with a 'face to a name' of someone he believes will take care of me. Never mind that it was a charade, I did it to give him peace of mind. My being single is a choice, and some day, that might change, but it's not something I'm rushing into just so Dad will feel better about my living situation.

I love my dad, and even though he's 88 years old, I hope he'll be around for a long time to come. I think he could be, if he keeps himself out of the doldrums and focuses on what he can do, rather than what he can no longer do. I'm committed to going there twice a year to see him, in March and in September (the best weather-wise). I don't like to do holidays, especially now that Marlene wants to do holidays with her family (which is understandable). I just don't like big gatherings.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Life is good.

Ciao for now.