An Eclectic Mix

I am reading Rhonda Byrne's The Power simultaneously with Ester & Jerry Hick's The Vortex. Man, this is a crazy life. I just might have the tiger by the tail this time.

I have identified old habits I need to rid myself of, abandoned habits that need to come back to me and new habits to develop. Although I may be posting less, I assure you that I'm writing more. All those projects 'on the back burner' - well yeah, the stove is cranking and it's my goal to get two, if not three titles on the shelf by year's end.

Bless you all. May you have the lives you so richly deserve. Believe in yourself and it will happen.

Ciao for now.

Thank you nounsandverbs for hosting the most recent friending frenzy. I have picked up several new readers/people to read, and that always makes me just a little bit giddy.

I finished Rhonda Byrne's The Power a few minutes ago. There is nothing more satisfying than seeing someone else put words to what you already know in your heart to be true, while filling in some of those little niggling gaps that you've been unable to figure out.

I am so very very blessed and grateful for my life. It just keeps getting better and better. I'm sending out love to all those who read this. Love is the only emotion in the world. Every other emotion, both positive and negative are merely a degree of loved. Anger? A lack of love? Fear? The same. Joy? An abundance of love.

When all of us learn that whatever emotion we give out, we give not to others, but instead, back to ourselves, we will heal this planet.

There is only one choice, and that is love.

Ciao for now.

In the last week, I've received email from two reputable companies (Kroger and Disney), advising that their systems had been compromised, and that it was possible that an unidentified third party had obtained my name and email address.

They apologize in advance for the fact that I might receive spam in the form of computer viruses, or possible phishing emails, etc.

For those of you that do not already have multiple email accounts, these examples are 'poster children' for why I have multiple email addresses.

The emails that I use for communication with my financial institutions are insulated to only those institutions, and I always select the 'do not share my information with third parties' option when providing an email address to companies that I do business with.

I have another email address that I use for purchasing things online, a different address for coupons & offers by email (this is the one compromised of late), and yet another address for personal correspondence.

The iPad makes it easy to manage all of those emails into one email box, but the point of this is to remind people that there really isn't anything such as a 'secure' email account, and one of the best precautions is to segregate your online activities by email address.

Ciao for now.

I will never forget a conversation that I had with published gaming author, R. Mark Coleman, in the living room of my Everett, WA home twenty years ago. I asked him what it took to become a published author, and he responded, "My dear, writers write."

So simple. Yet so many aspiring authors (myself included) lose sight of the fact that to publish a novel, you must first *finish* a novel. Of course, I'm not trying to write the great American novel, and to be fair, I am published under pseudonym, and under my own name as a poet.

I do write. Tons of process documentation, blog posts and miscellaneous stuff for work. I've always felt, however, that everyone has a book inside them. Something destined to be great, something only they could write. My father has always lamented that I got out of journalism, he has always believed that I was a born writer. I think he is correct, I just think my muse was sleeping all this time.

They say, "Write what you know." (Who is "they" anyway?) Write from the heart. One of the writers who has inspired me the most recently is Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie). As I contemplated what do get my father for Father's Day this year (seriously, what do you get a man who has everything), I realized that the personalized gifts that I have made in recent years - photo books, posters, etc., have been a big hit.

That's when it struck me. I started writing, and I'm finding it terrifyingly easy to write this book. The working title is, "Things My Dad Said: 25 Lessons That Formed My Character."

Thankfully, anyone can publish through Amazon.com's Create Space program. It only takes a few days to get physical copies of your book once the process is started. I'm going home to visit Dad the end of May, and it's my goal to have at least a proof copy of the book to hand him then.

I don't care if I sell 1 copy or a million. This is the book I was born to write. The journey is good.

Namaste.

Ciao for now.

I've been out doing stuff! Very busy, it's springtime in the Southland, which is totally awesome. I'm a very happy girl these days. I think I finally found the project that comes from my heart, and will be the one from which all others flow. I don't want to jinx it by talking about it though.

O-M-G - Glee was so awesome. I've already watched the episode twice, something I never ever do.

R came by and installed the new ceiling fan in my master bedroom today! Yay, light and air! I'm happy, because summer will be here before you know it and I'll need the extra circulation.

I'm still reading, even if I don't comment much. I'm in a couple of brackets for March Madness, but of course, I picked with my heart, not my head as always. I'm not trying to win, I'm trying to send the boys in black and gold positive vibes for the post season (go Mizzou)... I would love to see three Big 12 teams in the final four (it's possible, Kansas, Kansas St and Missouri are all in different regions this year).

Not really sure what else is relevant, other that I think 2011 is going to be one of my most fabulous years ever. I've got several fun trips/events planned (Tampa peeps, I think I just added FetCon to the list). Life is very very good. Hope it is for all of you as well.

Ciao for now.

It's been a long journey back to where I am now. I feel like I've finally got a handle on things again. First time since back in 2007 when I got so sick. I've been floundering, off-center and unfocused. I'm reading/studying again, embracing my new philosophy, learning to live in the moment.

I think I've changed in some fundamental ways. Some people at work have noticed, and this encourages me. I listen more and talk less, and I understand that no matter how well-meaning advice may be, I have no place giving any. Each individual's journey through this life is uniquely their own. If they wish to follow an example I set, then that is acceptable, but I hope I am not as quick to offer my opinions unsolicited as I used to be.

I am painfully conscious of the power of words. Words give life to all that occurs in our existence. Speak of pain, loss, humiliation, betrayal and all you do is bring more of the same into your life. Empathy is actually dangerous. We need to bring those who are hurting to a place where they talk about what they do want, and help them to feel as if those things are already occurring. That's the only way to bring yourself out from the quagmire of despair.

While everyone should be accountable for their actions, whatever transgressions may have occurred are over. They can't be undone, the course of history has been set. But those acts do not have to be part of the present moment. They only live there if we bring them here. This moment in time is all we have. Why pollute it with the garbage of the past?

Learn, love, forgive, live in this moment. Tomorrow may never come, and what you've already lived is finished. Be grateful, be happy. Happiness is always a choice. No one can take your happiness from you except you. Dry your tears, do something that you enjoy, and let the past go. It's the only way to live.

Ciao for now.

I don't post often enough. I want the posts I make here to have substance, to have meaning. I want to put myself out there, to be emotionally honest about the things that I struggle with. However, I also don't want to sound like a whiny child. I want to be positive and provide encouragement.

I started using the phrase "style vs. substance" the week that both Mother Theresa and Princess Diana died. Both of these women were inspirational to me, yet, if you compared their lives, Princess Diana embodied "Style" and Mother Theresa embodied "Substance." Which one got the most column inches in the news? Princess Diana of course. This bothered me, and opened my eyes most painfully to the fact that we, as a species, are attracted to style vs. substance. (This is not to say that Princess Diana was not a wonderful philanthropist, she was, but that was not what defined her life as it was for Mother Theresa).

I want to post, but I want to do more than just chronicle the mundane, trivial details of my life. This is not to say that I don't enjoy reading the mundane, trivial details of the lives of others (which may make me a hypocrite, but I can live with that). I just aspire to be more than, "My cat/kid/significant other did x/y/z today and it was so annoying/cute/funny." Perhaps I've set the bar too high for myself.

I find that I'm more likely to participate in memes on facebook, more likely to post trivia there. The medium just doesn't lend itself to serious blogging. My own blog site is empty, taunting me. It will happen in due time, I'm just not sure what that is.

As I begin to live a more Tao centered life, I question whether blogging at all is appropriate. Is it an ego-driven activity? Most of the time it appears to be, and it sustains my silence. Perhaps it is the nature of one-sided communication that makes it feel so much more egocentric. It feels like talking to myself in an empty room. If it's not ego-centered, then why enable comments at all? Being solicitous of responses definitely feels ego-driven. Yet, for the most part, that is often why I write.

I write to be heard, to be understood, yet not to be judged. I strive for substance over style. Hopefully, most times these days at least, I hit the mark.

Ciao for now.

On Friday, I had a very bad asthma attack (in hindsight, I have figured this out for what it truly was) that made me seek out care at a local ER. They gave me a breathing treatment (just about the only thing that was done right during this comedy of errors) and took a chest xray.

I apologize to the nurses on my friends list. This post will probably sound like I am very anti-medicine. Please know that it is due (for the most part) to the interactions that I have had with medical doctors, not nurses. In fact, in many cases, the nurses are the only ones that I *do* trust, because they are the ones that are on the ground, spending time with the patients and who really seem to 'get' what is going on.

I have a lengthy, well-documented medical history that includes 'white room' or 'white coat' syndrome. It was only after seeing my current primary care physician for over four years before they could get a normal blood pressure reading in this office. I monitor my blood pressure at home (the old fashioned way, with cuff & stethoscope - more on that in a minute) weekly, and I'm 120/70 very consistently, only varying during periods of stress.

I tried to explain this to the staff repeatedly through my stay. In fact, my blood pressure got 'close' to normal only once (138/64) during my stay, which was in the morning after I had a chance to rest. It did not drop when they administered blood-pressure lowering medicines (because it was stress induced, not a chemical thing), and it went up after every time I had to talk to one of their 'explicative-deleted' doctors.

Note: Automated blood pressure-devices cannot get an accurate reading of my blood pressure, period. There is some kind of 'ghost sound' that my body produces once you inflate the cuff more than 20 over what my systolic pressure is. You can only tell that this is a false sound with a stethoscope. My doctor has had me take an echo-cardiogram to check for a murmur, which I do not have. They're not sure what causes this 'ghost sound' - but I can damn well certain tell you that a machine will give you a false reading. You have to take my bp the old fashioned way, which this hospital just plain refused to do. As a result, I have bruising on both upper arms from the over-inflation of the machines. It's like they wouldn't accept any of my oral medical history. I was patronized and condescended to for my entire stay.

Yep, I realize my blood sugar was out of control. I've been sick with a nagging respiratory thing since Christmas, and I haven't been sleeping well, eating right, or exercising (which is normally how I *successfully* control my diabetes). I am not going to go back on a drug protocol just because you want me to. Nope, not going to happen, and please respect my wishes rather than giving me insulin (which also did not work) against my will. I am a huge believe in biofeedback therapy, and if I'm stressed, my numbers (of all kinds) simply go off the charts.

They put me on lasixs, and then the staff couldn't keep up with the urine changes (Hey, you're the ones wanting to check output volumes, not me. I don't give a rats ass if I overfill the thing. I'm going to go when I want to go). Also, the night PCT (Patient Care Tech) didn't wash his hands a single time for any urine changes, not before or afterward, nor did he glove up... I wonder what kind of infections he's tracking through the hospital? The appropriate protocol (posted on a sign in my room) is wash hands, glove up, do patient care, take the gloves off, and wash hands before leaving the room. I did bring this to the attention of the charge nurse for the next shift (I didn't want to complain while he was doing it, I feared retaliation of some kind). She kind of blew me off about it too.

There were at least another dozen instances of things that went 'wrong' during this visit. But I'm trying to let my blood pressure go back to normal, and I don't want to stew over this any longer. It's over, I handled my business effectively, and it brought home why I believe in homeopathic remedy. If I just hadn't been so scared about not being able to breathe (and thinking I might have been having a heart attack), I probably would have been better off by avoiding the hospital.

The silver lining in all this was the realization that I am on the right path with my eating/exercise/supplementation protocols. I am going to adjust a couple of things based on some feedback I got from the hospital, but for the most part, the next time this happens, I'll just use an OTC rescue inhaler (like Primatene) and tell the doctors to go shove it.

I need to find a way to let this whole incident go before it negatively impacts me further due to stress.

Ciao for now.

I had two Lemon Vanilla jar candles that were poorly made and left a LOT of wax behind. I thought throwing them out would be a complete waste, so I decided to see if I could manage to revive them by melting them both down, inserting a new wick and pouring them together.

So I got out my canning pot and filled it two-thirds full with water. I had one that was completely burned down. I started with this one. I got it half melted, managed to get the old wick out, and when I was putting it back into the boiling water, it tipped on me and got water in the jar and fouled the whole thing up (however, it looks like it separated cleanly, so I'm going to see if I can get the water out once it resolidifies.

Since I knew what to look for the second time, it worked like a charm. I have the new wick in it, and before I trim it down, I'll see if I can separate the water from the wax on the other one and remelt that one and pour it on top of the one that is cooling now.

However, getting more life out of the candles is a neat thing, and the house smells good because of all the melted wax.

Ciao for now.

Snow has begun to fall gently upon my lawn. It's 39 degrees here, so it's unlikely to stick, but the scene outside my office window is still beautiful.

I've been struggling all morning to find the words to express what this holiday means to me. In the end though, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what each of you holds in your own hearts.

I love you all. Namaste.

Ciao for now.