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I've had a very long talk with myself recently, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm a bad friend, and if I'm more selfish than I believed.
I suffer from only child syndrome, I suppose. I'm perfectly happy with being alone. I can plan to be social far in advance, only to find out at the moment of the actual event I'm not really fit for human companionship.
I also go through spells of really craving human companionship, and then I get peeved if no one has any free time to spend with me. If one of these spells goes on long enough, I wind up trying to start a relationship with someone. In the long run, however, I think that's a bad idea, because my "spell" of wanting to have another human around my house and living with me NEVER lasts very long, and I wind up pushing them away in the end.
My big issue now and forever is that I crave affection. Not sex. As a child, I was deprived of human contact. My parents did not hug or kiss me, nor did they tell me that they loved me. So the first time I ever had any of those things was in a sexual context. It made me into somewhat of a slut. But it's not because of the sex, per se, it's the underlying affection involved.
Anyone who has known me for any substantial length of time knows that I'm an ever-changing, evolving creature. I work hard to identify my "issues" and cancel their subscription. (It's not my fault by the time I was an adult my mother had managed to order almost every publication known to man and stick it in my library).
I'm struggling right now, with a lot of things. That's all I really want to say right now. But if you see me in person, know that a hug is always wanted and appreciated.
Ciao for now.
I suffer from only child syndrome, I suppose. I'm perfectly happy with being alone. I can plan to be social far in advance, only to find out at the moment of the actual event I'm not really fit for human companionship.
I also go through spells of really craving human companionship, and then I get peeved if no one has any free time to spend with me. If one of these spells goes on long enough, I wind up trying to start a relationship with someone. In the long run, however, I think that's a bad idea, because my "spell" of wanting to have another human around my house and living with me NEVER lasts very long, and I wind up pushing them away in the end.
My big issue now and forever is that I crave affection. Not sex. As a child, I was deprived of human contact. My parents did not hug or kiss me, nor did they tell me that they loved me. So the first time I ever had any of those things was in a sexual context. It made me into somewhat of a slut. But it's not because of the sex, per se, it's the underlying affection involved.
Anyone who has known me for any substantial length of time knows that I'm an ever-changing, evolving creature. I work hard to identify my "issues" and cancel their subscription. (It's not my fault by the time I was an adult my mother had managed to order almost every publication known to man and stick it in my library).
I'm struggling right now, with a lot of things. That's all I really want to say right now. But if you see me in person, know that a hug is always wanted and appreciated.
Ciao for now.
