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I've been reading my friends' journals today and it struck me that I should probably share something that I believe in that strikes to the heart of many of the issues raised. It doesn't matter whether you are religious person, a spiritual person, or don't believe in anything other than yourself, each person needs to have some kind of "code" that they live by.
In the old days, they had chivalry. The Christian religion has their "Ten Commandments," the Judaic faith has Talmudic laws that cover almost anything (aka kosher foods, etc.). For me, it goes back to something much more simple that covers just about all the bases. It's something my father once told me.
1) Never say anything you don't want the whole world to hear.
2) Never write anything you don't want the whole world to read.
3) Never do anything you don't want the whole world to watch.
Now, this is not about being an exhibitionist, or lacking tact, etc., it's about realizing that everything that we say, write and do has consequences. It's about accountability, and being responsible for the choices that we make in life. If I tell friend X that friend Y is sleeping around behind her boyfriend's back - even if I ask 'X' to "keep a secret" - I should be prepared for the consquences when Y finds out what I said about her. But I have a saying about that too.. "It ain't gossip, if it's true." Sometimes we have to be prepared to give our friends "tough love" when they need it and point out that they're being an idiot.
Of course, everything is colored by one's own perceptions. And no two people look at the world in the same light. But you should always be prepared to stand up for those things you believe in. If your words are going to hurt someone, are you willing to lose that friendship? If so, go ahead and say what you will. If you're not willing to risk the relationship, why open that can of worms. There is no such thing as a secret. If it has to be a secret (other than a surprise party), then it's probably not worth doing to begin with. You have to be willing to risk the emotional pain of others as consequences for your own actions. They're going to find out. Someone always finds out.
If you can follow those three things above, no one will ever be able to put you in a situation where they blackmail you in any way, physically, emotionally or monetarily, because you have nothing to hide. Perhaps this is an "advanced" world view. Maybe it's not possible for everyone to behave this way.
This is not to say that I haven't fucked up my own code in my life. I have, but when I have, I learned important lessons. So the screw-ups come fewer and farther in between these days. I guess it's just my key to happiness.
Ciao
In the old days, they had chivalry. The Christian religion has their "Ten Commandments," the Judaic faith has Talmudic laws that cover almost anything (aka kosher foods, etc.). For me, it goes back to something much more simple that covers just about all the bases. It's something my father once told me.
1) Never say anything you don't want the whole world to hear.
2) Never write anything you don't want the whole world to read.
3) Never do anything you don't want the whole world to watch.
Now, this is not about being an exhibitionist, or lacking tact, etc., it's about realizing that everything that we say, write and do has consequences. It's about accountability, and being responsible for the choices that we make in life. If I tell friend X that friend Y is sleeping around behind her boyfriend's back - even if I ask 'X' to "keep a secret" - I should be prepared for the consquences when Y finds out what I said about her. But I have a saying about that too.. "It ain't gossip, if it's true." Sometimes we have to be prepared to give our friends "tough love" when they need it and point out that they're being an idiot.
Of course, everything is colored by one's own perceptions. And no two people look at the world in the same light. But you should always be prepared to stand up for those things you believe in. If your words are going to hurt someone, are you willing to lose that friendship? If so, go ahead and say what you will. If you're not willing to risk the relationship, why open that can of worms. There is no such thing as a secret. If it has to be a secret (other than a surprise party), then it's probably not worth doing to begin with. You have to be willing to risk the emotional pain of others as consequences for your own actions. They're going to find out. Someone always finds out.
If you can follow those three things above, no one will ever be able to put you in a situation where they blackmail you in any way, physically, emotionally or monetarily, because you have nothing to hide. Perhaps this is an "advanced" world view. Maybe it's not possible for everyone to behave this way.
This is not to say that I haven't fucked up my own code in my life. I have, but when I have, I learned important lessons. So the screw-ups come fewer and farther in between these days. I guess it's just my key to happiness.
Ciao
