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This is just an update to let everyone know that I'm back in town, broke and happy. I've got lots of things to think about after this weekend. I taught myself some valuable lessons, and only time will tell where some of them lead. I needed to do what I did this weekend, even if it did cost me an arm and a leg. Even had a couple of epiphanies about my relationships with men, and what I've been missing in my life. Got to meet ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lordremo in person and he's just like I thought he would be! Meeting him actually restored some of my faith that there are honest, genuine "strangers" on the Internet. (If you knew how many times people have tried to scam me from the 'net, you'd understand that statement more). I'm actually happy to be going back to work tomorrow. I'm still exhausted, even though I slept about 6 hrs. today. The weekend of no sleep is finally catching up with me, but it's OK, since I still think I'm going to be exhausted at 10 tonight when it's time to crash for the night.
This weekend "tempered" me in a way I cannot describe. It did help clarify what I want out of my life, and what may be in store for me for the future. I felt good about me for the first time in a very long time. Might be because, once again, I probably want something I can't (or won't) have. But it will inspire me to get some more work done on me. I have to let go of some of my past assumptions, and I have to start doing something that will allow me to utilize the skills I have that put me at my best. What I'm doing now isn't it. In fact, it's in direct contradiction of who I am, and what I want out of life. I realized that the reason that I have been so unhappy of late at work is because I am not myself there. I am a separate person. That person does function at a high level professionally, but on a personal level, they're miserable due to a number of factors.
I think the reason I took the road that I did seven years ago was that I was afraid (I still am), and needed security. Well, I achieved security for the first time in my life, and I realized that even financial security was not enough to make me happy. Damn, I was probably happier when I was dirt poor, actually. That's a valuable lesson that I knew on one level, but had forgotten. It's a lesson that not many people ever learn, or embrace.
It's time for me to cleanse my life again. I'm not sure what form that cleansing will take, or even when I will be able to make it happen. Time again for a new, revised, 1, 5 and 10-year plan. It's not going to be easy to make the hard choices that I need to make over the next couple of years, but they're so necessary that I can't see me living any other way.
Still, in some ways, it concerns me that I have been on the verge of tears so often in the last few days. Maybe the cleansing is already happening. I think that would be good. I haven't really had a good cry in a long time. I think it's because I've shut my emotions down so that I could handle the stress of everything going on in my life.
I just realized that I haven't saved this to my journal yet. I've talked on the phone with friends, cried, thought a lot about my life, and I think I'm ready to plot a course for a new adventure.
Ciao for now.
lordremo in person and he's just like I thought he would be! Meeting him actually restored some of my faith that there are honest, genuine "strangers" on the Internet. (If you knew how many times people have tried to scam me from the 'net, you'd understand that statement more). I'm actually happy to be going back to work tomorrow. I'm still exhausted, even though I slept about 6 hrs. today. The weekend of no sleep is finally catching up with me, but it's OK, since I still think I'm going to be exhausted at 10 tonight when it's time to crash for the night.This weekend "tempered" me in a way I cannot describe. It did help clarify what I want out of my life, and what may be in store for me for the future. I felt good about me for the first time in a very long time. Might be because, once again, I probably want something I can't (or won't) have. But it will inspire me to get some more work done on me. I have to let go of some of my past assumptions, and I have to start doing something that will allow me to utilize the skills I have that put me at my best. What I'm doing now isn't it. In fact, it's in direct contradiction of who I am, and what I want out of life. I realized that the reason that I have been so unhappy of late at work is because I am not myself there. I am a separate person. That person does function at a high level professionally, but on a personal level, they're miserable due to a number of factors.
I think the reason I took the road that I did seven years ago was that I was afraid (I still am), and needed security. Well, I achieved security for the first time in my life, and I realized that even financial security was not enough to make me happy. Damn, I was probably happier when I was dirt poor, actually. That's a valuable lesson that I knew on one level, but had forgotten. It's a lesson that not many people ever learn, or embrace.
It's time for me to cleanse my life again. I'm not sure what form that cleansing will take, or even when I will be able to make it happen. Time again for a new, revised, 1, 5 and 10-year plan. It's not going to be easy to make the hard choices that I need to make over the next couple of years, but they're so necessary that I can't see me living any other way.
Still, in some ways, it concerns me that I have been on the verge of tears so often in the last few days. Maybe the cleansing is already happening. I think that would be good. I haven't really had a good cry in a long time. I think it's because I've shut my emotions down so that I could handle the stress of everything going on in my life.
I just realized that I haven't saved this to my journal yet. I've talked on the phone with friends, cried, thought a lot about my life, and I think I'm ready to plot a course for a new adventure.
Ciao for now.
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