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It is obvious that I am going to post more this year. I'm compelled to write. I'm not sure why, but I've realized that the time is now to begin work on the book in earnest - beyond outlines, ideas, notes, etc. Things seem to be going backward and forward all at the same time, and I realize now in my heart of hearts that my job is not where my future lies. I think I had to get the company beat-down that was 2005 before I realized that no matter what I do, it's just not the vehicle to take me where I can go. Even if it can take me up the side of the mountain, I need a rocket that can send me to the moon.
I've decided that while I'm going to finish reading the Pyzdek book for educational purposes, I don't think I'm going to go ahead and get my Six Sigma Black Belt. It's important if I want to continue my work at my company, but having decided that working for my company in the long term is not what is best, it seems like a wasted effort. PMI certification would be the same wasted effort, however, the life-coaching certification is still the right avenue for me. Giving advice and helping people solve their problems is what I was born to do, and I've spent a lifetime of learning from big mistakes to guide me to practical solutions.
Some day, I probably will be an Innkeeper. That profession still interests me, however, I think it will be miles to go before I get there. I will continue to learn about the business, and someday, when I retire from whatever adventure has left me too tired to move about all the time, I shall settle in some quaint little property in an interesting locale and regale tourists with a lifetime of stories, replete with wonderful meals and sound travel advice.
My first challenge is to organize my life so that it runs well enough for me to completely enjoy my weekends, free of the mundanities of life such as housework, laundry, etc. I'll get there soon, it's my goal to use February as my organizing month, and then in March I shall try to enjoy life a bit more, while still keeping to this strange drug-controlled/food schedule that my body requires to survive.
In case I haven't said it before - I hate diabetes, gout and whatever else it is that makes me take all these stupid medications. I suppose it's the price I have to pay for abusing my system for so long, but at least I'm fighting back rather than sitting back and just allowing myself to die. Still, I have to just say it sucks.
I don't normally like to be negative in my journals. Hell, I don't really want to be negative in life. I am a positive person deep down, and I've just got to fire the negative bricklayer again. I sent him packing a long time ago, but somewhere in the last five years or so, he snuck back on the building site and started building walls.
Who am I? What do I want? Why am I the way I am? These are still unanswered questions for the most part. One would think that as much time as I spend stressing over some of this stuff, I would have the answers to these questions by now, but I don't know if I ever will. Perhaps that is who I really am, a work undefined, always unfinished. I think deep down I have a fear that if I define myself or find my "one true path" that I will be doomed to die. I desparately believe in immortality, and finding the way to get there.
I am so driven, but I've never truly figured out why. There is just a force inside me that drives me to try new things, drives me to take enormous risk just to learn from failure, drives me to go where others seem to avoid, and makes me wonder how people can be happy doing the same things day/in, day/out with their lives. I want to change the world in my own way, leave a mark, help other people.
Honestly, I did a lot of thinking during my vacation at the beginning of the year. I can honestly say that I am truly happy for the first time in a long time in my life. Unfortunately, I continue to be unhappy in my current method of earning a living. This saddens me because I used to really love my job, and now it's a pain to get up in the morning again, partly due to the uncertainty that surrounds our daily tasks.
I'm making some internal adjustments and looking for some methods of putting the "zing" back into my day. We'll see what happens. Even when I think about quitting, I remind myself that I've always said I'd spend 10 years there, and I'll be having my eighth anniversary there this April. Staying for two more years would take me to the end of the second release of the product that I'm working on. I think in order to be happy, I just have to reprioritize, and realize it is now just a j-o-b, and concentrate on those personal endeavors that will provide a financial substitute in the future.
My goal for 2006 is to accumulate $20,000 in savings by the end of the year. This does not include 401k savings, my ROTH IRAs, etc. I've always said that I'll retire completely when I reach a million in net worth, but I don't think that's entirely realistic because I know myself. Freed from the daily grind, I'll just wind up being more entrepreneurial, and will write a great deal more. Which brings me to a serious question - if you've bothered to read this much, you obviously see something in the words I place in the ethers... would you read a commercial book that I authored? Is my prose worthy of putting those thoughts together and telling my story?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Ciao for now.
I've decided that while I'm going to finish reading the Pyzdek book for educational purposes, I don't think I'm going to go ahead and get my Six Sigma Black Belt. It's important if I want to continue my work at my company, but having decided that working for my company in the long term is not what is best, it seems like a wasted effort. PMI certification would be the same wasted effort, however, the life-coaching certification is still the right avenue for me. Giving advice and helping people solve their problems is what I was born to do, and I've spent a lifetime of learning from big mistakes to guide me to practical solutions.
Some day, I probably will be an Innkeeper. That profession still interests me, however, I think it will be miles to go before I get there. I will continue to learn about the business, and someday, when I retire from whatever adventure has left me too tired to move about all the time, I shall settle in some quaint little property in an interesting locale and regale tourists with a lifetime of stories, replete with wonderful meals and sound travel advice.
My first challenge is to organize my life so that it runs well enough for me to completely enjoy my weekends, free of the mundanities of life such as housework, laundry, etc. I'll get there soon, it's my goal to use February as my organizing month, and then in March I shall try to enjoy life a bit more, while still keeping to this strange drug-controlled/food schedule that my body requires to survive.
In case I haven't said it before - I hate diabetes, gout and whatever else it is that makes me take all these stupid medications. I suppose it's the price I have to pay for abusing my system for so long, but at least I'm fighting back rather than sitting back and just allowing myself to die. Still, I have to just say it sucks.
I don't normally like to be negative in my journals. Hell, I don't really want to be negative in life. I am a positive person deep down, and I've just got to fire the negative bricklayer again. I sent him packing a long time ago, but somewhere in the last five years or so, he snuck back on the building site and started building walls.
Who am I? What do I want? Why am I the way I am? These are still unanswered questions for the most part. One would think that as much time as I spend stressing over some of this stuff, I would have the answers to these questions by now, but I don't know if I ever will. Perhaps that is who I really am, a work undefined, always unfinished. I think deep down I have a fear that if I define myself or find my "one true path" that I will be doomed to die. I desparately believe in immortality, and finding the way to get there.
I am so driven, but I've never truly figured out why. There is just a force inside me that drives me to try new things, drives me to take enormous risk just to learn from failure, drives me to go where others seem to avoid, and makes me wonder how people can be happy doing the same things day/in, day/out with their lives. I want to change the world in my own way, leave a mark, help other people.
Honestly, I did a lot of thinking during my vacation at the beginning of the year. I can honestly say that I am truly happy for the first time in a long time in my life. Unfortunately, I continue to be unhappy in my current method of earning a living. This saddens me because I used to really love my job, and now it's a pain to get up in the morning again, partly due to the uncertainty that surrounds our daily tasks.
I'm making some internal adjustments and looking for some methods of putting the "zing" back into my day. We'll see what happens. Even when I think about quitting, I remind myself that I've always said I'd spend 10 years there, and I'll be having my eighth anniversary there this April. Staying for two more years would take me to the end of the second release of the product that I'm working on. I think in order to be happy, I just have to reprioritize, and realize it is now just a j-o-b, and concentrate on those personal endeavors that will provide a financial substitute in the future.
My goal for 2006 is to accumulate $20,000 in savings by the end of the year. This does not include 401k savings, my ROTH IRAs, etc. I've always said that I'll retire completely when I reach a million in net worth, but I don't think that's entirely realistic because I know myself. Freed from the daily grind, I'll just wind up being more entrepreneurial, and will write a great deal more. Which brings me to a serious question - if you've bothered to read this much, you obviously see something in the words I place in the ethers... would you read a commercial book that I authored? Is my prose worthy of putting those thoughts together and telling my story?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Ciao for now.
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