Chronologically incompatible...

[tinuvial]

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am chronologically incompatible with my friends. Since the beginning of the year, I have more or less adhered to my strict schedule, which means that I'm home in bed by 8 p.m. each night. Even on the weekends. My only exception is the Gnostica game, and well, I've committed to working for the game the rest of the year, and I will do so. However, I won't be making any commitments such as that in the future. I had briefly entertained the thought of going back to AIT. I'd really like to do that, but it keeps me out way too late.

These are not things that I want. It's just the way that my body works. The only reason I got by with staying out late when I first moved to Atlanta was that I worked the swing shift for quite some time (actually noon-9 p.m.). My body clock was different. But that is not my natural circadian rhythym. I'm a farm girl, and always have been when it comes to getting up early. In the same way that night owls enjoy that quiet time of the night between midnight and four a.m., I enjoy the quiet time that comes in the early morning hours between four a.m. and eight a.m.

Now that I can record TV on my DVR, I can watch, 24, American Idol, the O.C., or any of my other shows in the early morning while I'm doing housework and stuff. I'm getting more done around the house, I'm reading more, sleeping more, and generally feeling really good about most of the things in my life.

Except that I miss my friends. Because half of them sleep until noon, then take a while to get going and do their "morning" routine, and then it's four o'clock in the afternoon before they're ready to go out and do anything. It's frustrating to me because by then I'm worn out because I've already been at it since four a.m.

I wish I had someone to go to breakfast with at seven a.m., and then drive to the outlet malls and go shopping. But that's just foreign territory to most folks. They don't keep the same hours they may keep during the work week on the weekend. I don't have a choice. I can't sleep in, I have to take medication at prescribed times just to be able to live a semi-normal life. It makes me want to cry sometimes, because I used to be such a spontaneous, free spirit... and now I'm tied to pills and rest and just barely making it through the day and I don't see any way that I can beat it other than just to go off all the meds, get fat and die.

Yes, I sound bitter, and yes, I'm feeling blue. It's hard for me to stay positve. I realize that no one controls how I feel but me, but some times things just build up and I have to have a good rant and a cry and then figure out a way around it. I'm not willing to give up on the things that made me happy, but I have to find a way to fit them in between four a.m. and eight p.m. Realistically, however, it's time for me to find some new hobbies.

That makes me cry for the things that I've had to give up. I'm in mourning for a life that I enjoyed. That's not to say that I won't make the best of the life that I have now, or that things in my new life may not turn out to be way better than I can imagine from the funk that I'm in now. But deep down inside, I feel like I've lost something I'll never quite get back, and I ache.

I hate being a responsible adult.

Ciao for now.

Comments

[dch4.livejournal.com]

Being a responsible adult can, at times, be a major pain in the ass.

*HUG*

[jawoodward.livejournal.com]

Ditto to what he said. Still, we make a real go at it, eh?

Weekends and Weekdays

[wqalice.livejournal.com]

Hey there, we're up at the same time every day, regardless of weekend or weekdays. Now, Saturdays are often a little more flexible for me than Sundays but if you ever do want company...and can give me a little notice, I could join you for at least breakfast and a half day or so of outlet mall shopping. :-)

Re: Weekends and Weekdays

[tinuvial.livejournal.com]

I'm going to take you up on that soon... Let me sort out everything between the new Detroit schedule and Gnostica, etc. I'll let you know when I see you at the game.

breakfast, my favorite meal!

[ladykatza.livejournal.com]

ok, so i'm usually up and dressed by nine am. i have to feed the hungry ones by then. tuesday and thursday mornings are good for me, if you are in the marietta/kennesaw area. i have to drop the kids off by 10am and head to work. if you don't mind children, we could totally swing breakfast.

Re: breakfast, my favorite meal!

[tinuvial.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I live near Cumming, but maybe we can do an early lunch on a Sunday some time, like around 11 a.m.? I don't mind kids in tow at all! That schartok person can even come if he likes!

[orangecone.livejournal.com]

this whole sleep thing stinks! although, I do like sleep.

Nowadays, I'm up at 5 and at work by 630. I feel like a freak. I'm such a night person. It's a battle every morning.