I am out of touch with myself...

[tinuvial]

Out of sorts today. Back at work, but it feels "foreign" somehow. I'm really glad to be going back to my own team, to a job that I know so well and do so well. I don't want to work so hard any more. I want to have time for the people in my life. But I'm so afraid that if I make time for them, and they are not there, that I will spiral downward harder and faster than I have ever spiraled before.

For the first time in my life in quite some time, I feel fear.

I didn't even feel fear with the cancer. Everyone who knows me well knows that I trust my instincts.

Something is wrong, horribly wrong... again. I dodged one bullet only to be running headlong into another. Only this time, I can't tell where it is coming from.

God save me from myself, please.

Ciao for now.

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[georgechance.livejournal.com]

*hug*