Many things...

One, I've been busy.

Two, I accidentally sucked up my Norton System Works 2001 disk into my vacuum cleaner and broke it in three pieces.

Three, I was so exhausted last night when I came home from work, I went to bed at 5 p.m. and didn't get up until 6 a.m. this morning.

Four, I bought the cat a new cat toy (one of those cloth tubes that they can play in), and he looked at me like, "What, do you think I'm a cat or something? I'm just a furry human, get that thing out of my way." - Oh well, maybe he'll take to it later (yeah, right).

Five. Isn't it time to go to bed yet? I'm still exhausted.

An open letter to my son...

I'm writing you here because this is the only place where I know that you might find me. You see, you turned 19 on Thursday, but I wasn't there to wish you a Happy Birthday because I gave you up for adoption when you were born. But that doesn't mean that I don't love you.

In fact, you're probably the only person I've ever loved enough to do the right thing for. God knows I don't always make smart choices for myself, or I wouldn't have found myself pregnant and unmarried at age 20. I turned 21 the month before you were born, so there weren't any big parties that year to celebrate my coming-of-age... I had already grown up too much too fast.

I wonder what your name is. Did they let you keep the name I gave you? I named you David Thomas, after the man I loved at the time, and my father. There are so many things I wonder about. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you, and send my silent prayers for God to make you safe and happy.

What (who) do you look like? How old were you when you took your first step, said your first word? When did you steal your first kiss? Did you like school? Were you popular? An athelete? There are so many things that I wish you could tell me. But I suppose my fondest wish is that you never want to find me.

That may sound strange. However, I think if you don't have the desire to seek me out, it is because you were raised by loving parents, and have a strong relationship with them, and have no need to find out who provided the "egg" that became you. God knows how many times over the years though, that I wanted desparately to know how you were, to make sure that you were all right, that no one was hitting you, or abusing you, and that you were a happy, normal child.

Luckily, if you want to find me, I'm registered with every "Adoption Seekers" organization I could find, and your adoption records, although sealed to me, are open to you. I keep them updated with my current address at all times. So it won't be hard to find me if you need me.

Happy Birthday son, I'll always be here for you.