Where to begin?

I'll probably be making several small posts regarding the events of the last 48 hours, primarily because there are rants on several topics, and I want to address each one individually.

First, I had a lovely jaunt to the emergency room last night? Why you ask? Well, let me tell you, I'm pissed as hell.

I've had the same PCP for the last 3 years that I have been at NASCO. Basically, every time I have gone in for almost any kind of ailment, the answer has been "lose weight, you'll feel better." Which brings us to the reason for my visit to the ER last night.

I have had edema (swelling) in my right leg for almost 3 years now... about a year ago, I started experiencing problems in the left leg as well. Now, she has *never* run any tests, done any blood work whatsoever or anything, other than to say, "lots of fat people have that problem, especially diabetics." Now, I pointed out to her that I don't have diabetes, and her reply to me was "but you will... when you're that overweight, it's almost guaranteed you'll eventually get it."

Great, eh?

Well, according to the ER doc, I'm lucky to be alive... yes, I have cellulitis, yes, that is often seen in diabetic patients where the cause is the diabetes... but guess what? In non-diabetics, the cause is a MASSIVE INFECTION... Hello??? The ER doc says I must have one helluva immune system to have been fighting this on/off for the last 3 years. It also explains why in the last 3 years I suddenly became prone to picking up every cold/flu/bug that rolled through the office... my immune system was already fighting off a major trauma and didn't have any leftovers to fight the common cold.

So the doc has me on Keflex down with advice that I'm supposed to follow up with my own doc in 48 hours. My own doctor like hell.. I'm looking for a new PCP, and in the meantime, I'll self-refer myself to a dermatologist who can finish this treatment.

One rant down, two more to go.

Rant #2

This is a related tangent to rant #1, hell, actually they all will be.

Just once, I would like to be able to go out into public and not be seen as a "fat person." I will preface this by saying that I know that my friends do not view me that way, and even if they do, at least they're polite enough to keep it to themselves.

I don't talk about it much, mostly because I know a lot of people don't believe in it, but I'm a very telepathic/empathic individual. This doesn't mean I can "read everyone's mind" - but there are some people whose thoughts are readily apparent to me... Just ask my ex-roommate how many times I answered his question before he even asked it of me... or how many times he said, "Damnit, get out of my head." hehehehe

Anyway... It's just like every other prejudice in this world. Tolerance needs to come in all shapes and sizes. People need to get over themselves, not everyone is going to be thin, rich, white, straight, American, etc., etc., etc. Sometimes it just sickens me that we have such a limited global view. One of the reasons I have refrained from commenting on the whole terrorist situation is that I feel like jumping up and down and saying, "Where was the global outcry against terrorism when only the Jews were being targeted" or "The IRA has been committing acts of terrorism on the English people for decades, I don't see American flying any bombing missions or sending over any commando teams to help out Britain." But oh no, now that the targets are AMERICANs, it's suddenly an issue of global import.

But I digress, it just ticks me off that due to a prejudice against fat people (and, I found out, smokers as well... another gal at the office has the same doctor as a PCP, and the only advice she ever gives her is "stop smoking"), this person impacted my quality of life for the last three years.

And it's not just doctors, it's sales people as well. Do you know how embarrassing it is for a morbidly obese person to buy a car? I don't "fit" in 3/4 of the vehicles on the market. It's horrendous when you try to test drive a vehicle only to find out you can't even get in the front seat... or the seat belt won't fit, etc., etc. I'm sick of seeing the pity in people's eyes. Yes, I'd like to be thin, but I know why I'm not, and I'm basically OK with that on a lot of levels.

Which will segueway into Rant #3.

Rant #3

Now is where I tell you that I feel like every time I try to make a positive change in my life, I get kicked in the teeth.

You see, due to all the medical crap, I am going to have to cancel out my gym membership and my personal trainer for now. According to the doctor, it will be 6-8 weeks (minimum) before I initiate any kind of exercise regimen. By having this go on for so long, the tissues in my leg are severely damaged (no wonder why it's so painful for me to walk, etc.)

The only good thing about this is that I get all the money back that I spent on all the contracts, etc., although I expect the refund process might take a while.

I don't know, this just depresses the hell out of me because I was so "motivated" to make the change. I'm afraid that once I get my 'clean bill of health' that I won't be motivated to make the changes any more. This just sucks.

Well, this has depressed me enough for one day. Ciao for now.