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I just had someone ask me why I was being so "helpful" - it was a left-handed compliment. A jibe because I am usually annoyed when people ask me stupid questions, and no matter how polite my actual words may be, my tone of voice betrays me. However, I think that part of this may stem from the fact that I'm finally free of that blasted office in the Org, allowing my previously sunny disposition to shine through once again. I know I'm already feeling better, and indications are that my blood pressure/sugar stuff is stabilizing. I just can't handle stress like I used to, and I already generate gobs during "real life." - A hobby that generates mores stress than the real world is no hobby. I'm glad to be a general member, and will be staying that way for a little while, though there is something on the horizon that I am planning on posting for.
I haven't really posted anything substantial in a while. My writing is really not currently fit for public consumption. Hibernation is coming on April 1st, and I'll be back out in time for NEGLECt. So there you have it. Don't expect to see me out and about unless I'm totally bored. Really, the odds of that are small indeed. I have many interests outside the Club, and I get far too little time to participate in them. For one thing, I'd love to be spending more time "geeking" these days as I'd really like to develop the cool tools and site ideas I have for one of my domains. I'd also like to host some small dinner parties with people I actually *like* interacting with, rather than having to put on a public face and tolerate anyone who happens to be in the same space with me. Yes, that's me being bitchy. Deal.
I may find out that other people don't want to deal with me either, but you know what? I'm OK with that... I am so OK with that it's not even funny. I learned a long time ago (and I do mean a long time ago), that not everyone is going to like you, and even fewer people are worthy of your friendship. That doesn't mean that you can't treat everyone with a modicum of respect and tolerance, that's to be expected. However, it also doesn't mean that you should suffer fools gladly.
My ego is not now, nor ever has been tied up in a character, an organizational position or anything even remotely having to do with the Org. Therefore, when a PC dies, so be it... when someone snipes at me, so be it, que sera sera. If people treat me pettily, so be it... I can rise above it and refuse to stoop to their level. There are some out there reading this that may believe that the act of my resignation was petty, and to them, I have the following to say, and will never address the situation again publicly:
1) The stress of the position was making me physically ill to the point I had to call in sick to my "real job" - thus jeopardizing the basic necessities of my life such as food, shelter, etc.
2) The stress of the position was generated because I did believe I was trying to do the right things, for the right reasons, because I really do give a damn in general about the Org.
3) I realized that I had made a mistake, but that the tide of popular opinion was such that the breech could not be repaired.
4) I believed that resigning would remove the source of the irritation that was causing the majority of the dissent.
5) I am anal-retentive, not a control freak. There is a difference. And in being anal-retentive, I am far harder on myself than I am on others. If you don't believe that, I can only tell you that you would never want to perform to the standards that I hold for myself. And I don't expect you too, I have a great enough time holding myself to my own principles, and I believe in them 150%.
For those of you who haven't read it yet, I suggest you visit my web site and read my essay entitled "Friend vs. Acquaintance" - it says a great deal about me and how I think. Know that if I call you a friend, you are closer to me than my own family. I have very many acquaintances, but very few friends.
There are many people in this world that I love and cherish, yet would still not count among my friends, not because they are not worthy, but because I realize that our basic values and systems of belief are incompatible... Neither will I hold their values against them, however, that doesn't mean I will hold them in such high regard as to allow their actions to affect my life, etc.
Bah, it's just too difficult for me to explain, although for those few that have really gotten a chance to see me at both my worst and my best will understand.
That's it for tonight. Much love to all of you, friends, acquaintances and enemies alike. I harbor no ill will, just a deep need for some precious solitude.
Ciao for now.
I may find out that other people don't want to deal with me either, but you know what? I'm OK with that... I am so OK with that it's not even funny. I learned a long time ago (and I do mean a long time ago), that not everyone is going to like you, and even fewer people are worthy of your friendship. That doesn't mean that you can't treat everyone with a modicum of respect and tolerance, that's to be expected. However, it also doesn't mean that you should suffer fools gladly.
My ego is not now, nor ever has been tied up in a character, an organizational position or anything even remotely having to do with the Org. Therefore, when a PC dies, so be it... when someone snipes at me, so be it, que sera sera. If people treat me pettily, so be it... I can rise above it and refuse to stoop to their level. There are some out there reading this that may believe that the act of my resignation was petty, and to them, I have the following to say, and will never address the situation again publicly:
1) The stress of the position was making me physically ill to the point I had to call in sick to my "real job" - thus jeopardizing the basic necessities of my life such as food, shelter, etc.
2) The stress of the position was generated because I did believe I was trying to do the right things, for the right reasons, because I really do give a damn in general about the Org.
3) I realized that I had made a mistake, but that the tide of popular opinion was such that the breech could not be repaired.
4) I believed that resigning would remove the source of the irritation that was causing the majority of the dissent.
5) I am anal-retentive, not a control freak. There is a difference. And in being anal-retentive, I am far harder on myself than I am on others. If you don't believe that, I can only tell you that you would never want to perform to the standards that I hold for myself. And I don't expect you too, I have a great enough time holding myself to my own principles, and I believe in them 150%.
For those of you who haven't read it yet, I suggest you visit my web site and read my essay entitled "Friend vs. Acquaintance" - it says a great deal about me and how I think. Know that if I call you a friend, you are closer to me than my own family. I have very many acquaintances, but very few friends.
There are many people in this world that I love and cherish, yet would still not count among my friends, not because they are not worthy, but because I realize that our basic values and systems of belief are incompatible... Neither will I hold their values against them, however, that doesn't mean I will hold them in such high regard as to allow their actions to affect my life, etc.
Bah, it's just too difficult for me to explain, although for those few that have really gotten a chance to see me at both my worst and my best will understand.
That's it for tonight. Much love to all of you, friends, acquaintances and enemies alike. I harbor no ill will, just a deep need for some precious solitude.
Ciao for now.
.