1) Being sick sucks.

2) Cam/Anarch rocked, regardless of the haunting implications for my character.

3) I'm already overloaded for the amount of time I have in my schedule, what was a I thinking when I commited to NaNoWri Mo?

The answer: I wasn't. An even though I've become better about posting regularly (yesterday, notwithstanding, I was cranky, sick, and in no mood to do anything), I don't have the necessary time to devote to NaNoWriMo this year. However, next year it will be on my list of things that I want to accomplish for the year.

Speaking of which, it's November. Where did the year go? It's time for me to reevaluate and take stock of my goals for next year. I'm not going to get introspective about this past year quite yet, it's been awfully eventful. Lots of things have happened, both good and bad, though, thankfully, primarily good.

Right now, I find that my involvement in the Org is widening and deepening. There are many process improvements I'd like to bring to our domain. I realized that by applying the talents that I utilize in my career into the Org, we can benefit by having a more efficient and member-focused framework in place to serve and prosper.
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1) Being sick sucks.

2) Cam/Anarch rocked, regardless of the haunting implications for my character.

3) I'm already overloaded for the amount of time I have in my schedule, what was a I thinking when I commited to NaNoWri Mo?

The answer: I wasn't. An even though I've become better about posting regularly (yesterday, notwithstanding, I was cranky, sick, and in no mood to do anything), I don't have the necessary time to devote to NaNoWriMo this year. However, next year it will be on my list of things that I want to accomplish for the year.

Speaking of which, it's November. Where did the year go? It's time for me to reevaluate and take stock of my goals for next year. I'm not going to get introspective about this past year quite yet, it's been awfully eventful. Lots of things have happened, both good and bad, though, thankfully, primarily good.

Right now, I find that my involvement in the Org is widening and deepening. There are many process improvements I'd like to bring to our domain. I realized that by applying the talents that I utilize in my career into the Org, we can benefit by having a more efficient and member-focused framework in place to serve and prosper. <gah that sounds vaguely arrogant in some ways, but isn't meant to be>

Mostly, I'm just trying to stay focused on what matters, and trying to open up more around people. I know that I've been in the Cam for quite some time (admittedly, I took off almost a year at one point), but I don't let people get inside. Not really. My whole life seems like a facade at times. My upbringing taught me a certain amount of stoicism. It's very easy for me to "put on a happy face" regardless of what turmoil roils beneath the surface. It's very very hard for me to trust people. I think that because I'm willing to love and support others readily without much thought, I have always opened up myself to vast amounts of disappointment. I don't think I ever truly abandoned my giving, kind nature, but I think for quite a period of time I lost a good deal of faith and hope in my fellow man.

I can really relate to the vampiric struggles against the Beast. I don't think that their struggle for Humanity is really any different from our own, if you think about it. I think each one of us has an inner path, a voice that calls to us from within that urges us to do right and wrong, surpassing conscience in some respects. Personally, I struggle with feelings of guilt every time things are "working" in my life. My upbringing was very definitely of the "life is nasty, brutish and short" variety. As a small child, I can remember looking at my mother and and silently thinking, "Why are you so unhappy? What is wrong with your life?" I've never quite recovered from my upbringing, and it always will gnaw at me in some ways, even though as an adult I have come to learn about, understand and accept my mother's mental illness. But the inner child in me should never have been exposed to that much anguish at such an early age. I sometimes doubt my own ability to be happy. If one learns happiness from a role model, I had none.

However, at this point, one must consider what is happiness. I'm not sure I really know the answer to that. I know that I have developed a measure of inner peace. I think that I am one of the most "self-aware" people that I know, and although some may think it hubris, I believe that I'm readily able to identify my flaws. However, unlike others, I don't necessarily flee from my flaws, I embrace them as being all that I am, the good with the bad, so to speak.

Admittedly, I'm having trouble breaking out of character this weekend. Last night was agonizing for my character, and was definitly a "turning point." I won't even try to explain why for those of you who have only been peripherally involved, or not involved in the Cam. However, the one thing that I will say is that I've always prided myself on the fact that I can think/plan/react "vampirically" - i.e., that is, from a framework of immortality, rather than the immediate framework of the LARP itself. The next 90 days will be "interesting" to say the least.

Ciao for now.

From: [identity profile] narcoleprosy.livejournal.com

A pleasure, as always


The neat thing about Atlanta to me this weekend, was that I felt like I was watching a train wreck in slow motion. Most everyone was polite to me, but I could see the undercurrents of everything that was happening around the rooms. Several characters came apart at the seams, while other characters showed a great deal of steel to make it through the positions they were put in.
Quite enjoyable, a lot of drama, and good clean fun for the whole family, if they are over 18.

Tim
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